The Rubbish Lord’s Prayer

I love prayer, don’t you? I could watch people doing it all day long. Well, that’s perhaps an exaggeration; I like to think I like to pray. It goes something like this: -

Our Father, who art in Heaven
Hallowed be thy name
(must remember to concentrate)
Thy Kingdom come
(yep, in the swing of it)
Thy will be done
(what was the next line? I can’t remember, better go back a bit to jog the memory)
Thy Kingdom come
(Doh, gone too far back)
Thy will be done
(Oh good, now I’m in the swing of it)
…but forgive us our….
(Oh, I’ve missed a bit, said it whilst thinking about what I should be saying. Go back again….do not pass go….do not collect….hang on, I’ve lost my thread)
on Earth as it is in Heaven
(good)
Give us this day our daily bread
(I wonder why we’re not supposed to say’ please’? Oh now then, what’s the next line?)
and forgive us our debts
(I live in Scotland remember)
as we forgive our debtors
(I’ve lost my thread now. Must concentrate)
and lead us not into temptation
(But I quite like being led into temptation. Stop it, it’s not good, you’re supposed to shun temptation…..but it is quite tempting isn’t it? I remember that time when…..STOP IT!)
and deliver us from evil
(not long to go now, nearly finished, if I can just remember the last few lines)
for thine is the power
(no, that’s not it)
for thine is the Kingdom
(Geddin!)
The power and the glory forever
(I’m sure I used to say ‘for ever and ever’, that’s two ‘forevers’ ‘cos one’s not enough obviously)
Amen
(Result! I got there, that’s it done for today…..why do I feel however, that it’s not meant to be like that? Start again? No, I’ve got to get up and put on my ‘Rubbish Christian’ t-shirt).

Alternatively, you start with ‘Our Father’……and suddenly, you’re at ‘Amen’ and you can’t remember having done the stuff in between!

Personally, I get a bit anxious when leading the Lord’s Prayer in public because I’m a fast speaker (I am a Geordie after all) and o t h e r   p e o p l e   g o   s o   slooooooowwwwwly. I have to slow right down but of course, being a Rubbish Christian saying the Lord’s prayer (and I suspect dyslexic – I must get that checked) I forget the lines (see above) and so I have to ensure I’ve got it written down in front of me. On the occasions I get up to lead prayers and I realise I’ve forgotten it, there’s only one thing for it; say it quietly, lip-read the rest of the congregation and copy them! That’s how the Rubbish Christian leads in corporate prayer!

The Good the Bad and the Rest of Us

Have you ever seen those ancient pictures of Biblical stories?   Moses coming down the mountain with the tablets of stone, the Disciples, strong and brave, battling bravely against all adversaries with stoic looks of thunder and piercing eyes. Angels looking, well, angelic.

Looking at these one immediately gets a sense of, er, well, inadequacy….well, I’ve often done at any rate. These figures, looming large in their historical context seem to me to have just walked on to some Shakespearian stage, with their voices booming, “Lo, thou sinner” (ever noticed how they seem to be about to spout forth in Authorised Version language? No? OK then, well I do). Towering over us mere mortals, they present us with an image of perfect Christianity, of which us lesser mortals can only dream (that’s when we’re not dreaming of stardom, greatness, adulation and other stuff we’d rather not tell our friends and family).

Then there’s the pictures of Jesus, standing there with his right hand raised, two fingers cocked like the barrel of a gun, blessing us. It’s a bit like the church Minister does as s/he stands in front of the congregation at the end of the service blessing us all (aahhhh, isn’t that nice?). Jesus too, is portrayed as some sort of aloof authority figure, pouring out his condescending blessings, ‘for which we are truly thankful’.

I’m not having a go at Jesus, Moses, the Disciples, angels or anyone else in the Bible; it’s just that I wonder sometimes whether these images accurately reflect reality. I mean, let’s face it, Jesus washed His disciples’ feet, the disciples did all sorts of things including bitching, position jostling, ‘denying’ Him and being racist and as for Moses, well he murdered someone and ran away!

However, it’s another great way to ensure that I’m a fully paid up member of the Rubbish Christian Club.    Join now, you know it makes sense.