The Rubbish Lord’s Prayer
I love prayer, don’t you? I could watch people doing it all day long. Well, that’s perhaps an exaggeration; I like to think I like to pray. It goes something like this: -
Our Father, who art in Heaven
Hallowed be thy name
(must remember to concentrate)
Thy Kingdom come
(yep, in the swing of it)
Thy will be done
(what was the next line? I can’t remember, better go back a bit to jog the memory)
Thy Kingdom come
(Doh, gone too far back)
Thy will be done
(Oh good, now I’m in the swing of it)
…but forgive us our….
(Oh, I’ve missed a bit, said it whilst thinking about what I should be saying. Go back again….do not pass go….do not collect….hang on, I’ve lost my thread)
on Earth as it is in Heaven
(good)
Give us this day our daily bread
(I wonder why we’re not supposed to say’ please’? Oh now then, what’s the next line?)
and forgive us our debts
(I live in Scotland remember)
as we forgive our debtors
(I’ve lost my thread now. Must concentrate)
and lead us not into temptation
(But I quite like being led into temptation. Stop it, it’s not good, you’re supposed to shun temptation…..but it is quite tempting isn’t it? I remember that time when…..STOP IT!)
and deliver us from evil
(not long to go now, nearly finished, if I can just remember the last few lines)
for thine is the power
(no, that’s not it)
for thine is the Kingdom
(Geddin!)
The power and the glory forever
(I’m sure I used to say ‘for ever and ever’, that’s two ‘forevers’ ‘cos one’s not enough obviously)
Amen
(Result! I got there, that’s it done for today…..why do I feel however, that it’s not meant to be like that? Start again? No, I’ve got to get up and put on my ‘Rubbish Christian’ t-shirt).
Alternatively, you start with ‘Our Father’……and suddenly, you’re at ‘Amen’ and you can’t remember having done the stuff in between!
Personally, I get a bit anxious when leading the Lord’s Prayer in public because I’m a fast speaker (I am a Geordie after all) and o t h e r p e o p l e g o s o slooooooowwwwwly. I have to slow right down but of course, being a Rubbish Christian saying the Lord’s prayer (and I suspect dyslexic – I must get that checked) I forget the lines (see above) and so I have to ensure I’ve got it written down in front of me. On the occasions I get up to lead prayers and I realise I’ve forgotten it, there’s only one thing for it; say it quietly, lip-read the rest of the congregation and copy them! That’s how the Rubbish Christian leads in corporate prayer!
I’m particularly fond of:
“while they’re praying I’ll rehearse what I’m going to say”
“darn it! I was going to pray for that!”
“oooh, that sounded good. I’ll use that in another group”
and
“will you please stop making it about you and get humble and silent before God!!!!???????”
Oh yes, there are whole hosts of things you can learn in prayer groups. My ex-wife told me of a time when someone began to pray, in the group, along the lines of “Oh Lord, you know that I hate V (my ex-wife) so give me the strength to be more tolerant (etc.)” She was devastated. Oh the sensitivity of Christians eh!
Now that’s just plain mean. Prayer should not be used as a message board to the others of the group. And besides, that guy should have been praying for his own heart to change, not to be given the strength to be tolerant!
Yep, he had a tendency to masquerade as a sort of ‘super spiritual’ type but that, I think, belied an immaturity and manipulation, which was quite effective on new Christians. I think he was ‘taken aside’ and ‘re-briefed’ by someone a bit more experienced, which is possibly the Christian equivalent of being ‘taken round the back and given a good kicking’. However, t’was many years ago now
Sounds just like me
Thank you very much for visiting my blog. I’ve had complaints, all one of them, that I’m not blogging anymore. I promise I will start again very soon
Hey, Dyce, everyone is going to complain about something, maybe that means you are doing something right? Keep on blogging brother, especially if you really like to express yourself that way. A lot of the people at my church read my blog and I can be a bit controvercial and down right annoying, but I am goint to be me, my opinionated self no matter who likes it or not. Actually it is when someone disagrees with my opinion and has the nads to share it with me is when I learn the most
and I appreciate those who choose to leave a comment on my blog whether it is for or against whatever I am chatting about. People like to point the finger and complain about others as a way to make themselves feel better about themself. Sincerely The Raging Genius 
Hi – thanks for that. Re-reading my original reply to your original comment, I can see that two interpretations can be construed from my comments about ‘not having even offended anyone’. I meant it in the ‘I’m-quite-disappointed-that-I-didn’t-get-much-interest-as-I-thought-the-least-I’d-do-is-upset-someone-and-I-failed-even-at-that’ sort of way. I’ve managed to upset a few people in the past (not in a nasty way, not being vengeful) mainly because I try to speak plainly and often people like things to be safely obscure – the ‘Let’s talk about the philosophical issues of the crucifiction, rather than the pain and suffering, which is far too close to the bone’ etc. type of thing. I thought I might at LEAST manage that here
I accept controversy as par for the course but I do not seek it for its own sake (my wife and offspring might disagree…..but of course they’re wrong). However; encouraged by your comments and the comments of Karita and Philippa, once I’ve a few pressing things sorted out in the ‘non-blogosphere’, I’ll get back down to posting stuff. As they say in London, “Gawwwd bless ya!” Dyce 
I see, perhaps your gift is “prophesy”? Which is one who speaks the truth boldly. That’s my gift and it is why I can be so offensive and convicting to people and that is not my intention, it’s just what my words can do. When I am “writing in the flesh” I can run into trouble and that is not good and I can tear down some one with the truth, so I do watch myself. You know what the bible says about Prophets, no one likes them. LOL I don’t know, but if you are speaking truth on your blog that makes people uncomfortable without that being your intention, then I say you are awesome and keep blogging and talking truth. And get to the bone. In Rev. it says that there will be a famine in the land for the TRUE WORD of God. I can already see it happening as Pastor’s are more worried about whether or not their congregation is comfortable and happy and the pastor is popular and well liked, instead of speaking God’s truth which should cause some conviction and it is those type of words that change people into becoming more like Christ. P.S. Today you are TOP CLICK on my site, so how bout that!!
P.S. I sure do like your offspring. Karita was willing to challenge me on some of my thinking. Not many people are willing to do that and because she did, I have a new perspesctive on a very Hot Topic issue, so I am gratefull to her and to you I say GREAT JOB DAD!
I love this post. It got me smiling for the first time today. Thankyou.
Lola x
I was just wondering if there are a few other pool lovers here on this forum.I don’t think about people who like to have fun around the swimming pool, I think about the game.I have a thing about shoot pool with my buddies and I would like to join a few folks online that have the same craze.Wish to find out from you soon. Thanks.